went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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