I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
