You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I am one with the molecules
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
