No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
