I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
