Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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