Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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