Sry I called you an 8
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
