I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
