Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
