she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
