Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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