My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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