I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
