2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
It's official drugs can't kill me
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
