could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
