The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
