we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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