im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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