She is in my trunk
I am puke
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
