fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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