a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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