You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
