Christians are straight up FREAKS
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
