So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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