thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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