That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
