I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
