I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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