tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
