I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
