im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
