I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
