I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
