If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
