Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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