At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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