Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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