Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
