I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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