well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Ladies don't puke and tell
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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