We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
pray to the hookup gods
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
