i just google imaged poop.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
