I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
