i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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