ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
