drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
