my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
