You smell like stripper and shame
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
