Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
