i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
